How can we keep our divorce "friendly"?
Morghan Leia Richardson, Esq.
It sounds corny or like something you may have seen on television, but Divorce Mediation can help you and your soon to be ex-spouse to work through all the issues that must be addressed before your divorce can be completed and help you achieve a "friendly" divorce.
Every divorcing couple must resolve their property, financial, and child-related issues before a divorce can become final. If you can't work out these issues on your own, you need someone to help you. Traditionally, people turn to lawyers -- one for each person. With Divorce Mediation, you only need one mediator, an impartial party who is trained at facilitating your discussions and helping you resolve all issues so the divorce can take place.
Every divorcing couple must resolve their property, financial, and child-related issues before a divorce can become final. If you can't work out these issues on your own, you need someone to help you. Traditionally, people turn to lawyers -- one for each person. With Divorce Mediation, you only need one mediator, an impartial party who is trained at facilitating your discussions and helping you resolve all issues so the divorce can take place.
Maybe the communication between spouses had already broken down. But the litigation process will not do anything to help the couple learn to re-focus on their once common goals and re-prioritize their children.
According to experts, couples who see a Divorce Mediator -- instead of Divorce Lawyers -- are better able to work through their disputes about children and property because the mediation process blocks and discourages the regressive process. This means it keeps the parties from assuming child-like behaviors and instead encourages them to engage in adult decision-making and problem solving. Divorce Mediation also controls the expression of negative emotional behavior between the spouses and focuses the couple on the goals of finalizing their divorce and re-defining their future.
According to experts, couples who see a Divorce Mediator -- instead of Divorce Lawyers -- are better able to work through their disputes about children and property because the mediation process blocks and discourages the regressive process. This means it keeps the parties from assuming child-like behaviors and instead encourages them to engage in adult decision-making and problem solving. Divorce Mediation also controls the expression of negative emotional behavior between the spouses and focuses the couple on the goals of finalizing their divorce and re-defining their future.
"The notion that most people want black-robed judges, well-dressed lawyers and fine-paneled courtrooms as the setting to resolve their disputes is not correct. People with problems, like people with pains, want relief, and they want it as quickly and inexpensively as possible."
-- Warren E. Burger, Chief Justice, US Supreme Court.
-- Warren E. Burger, Chief Justice, US Supreme Court.
What exactly is Divorce Mediation?
Divorce and Family Mediation is a process in which a mediator, an impartial third party, facilitates the resolution of family disputes by promoting the participants' voluntary agreement. This promotes communication, encourages understanding and focuses the participants on their individual and common interests.
Why not just let a judge solve our problems?
Consumer Reports estimated in 2009 that the average American divorce cost $49,000 - $188,000. That's money spent on lawyers' fees that could instead be spent on your new life. Fighting in court also takes much longer; years in some cases. Besides the time and expense, studies show that children in high-conflict divorce situations have a much more difficult time adjusting. As you may have heard, or even experienced yourself, research has shown that divorce impacts children on a deep, psychological level. Divorce Mediation can help you and your spouse learn to deal with each other in a way that may prove beneficial even after the divorce is final, enabling you to continue to provide your best as parents.
"Winner-take-all" Behavior
Divorce is a major life crisis. The initiation of a divorce may cause people to regress, which is to say they revert their behavior back to a time of less mature patterns (e.g., childhood). This explains why some usually giving and generous people are unable to share or want to make their spouse "suffer." For further discussion of divorce regression theory, see, Yahm, Howard, "Divorce Mediation: A Psychoanalytic Perspective." In J.A. Lemmon (Ed.) Procedures for Guiding the Divorce Mediation Process, Mediation Quarterly, No. 6, San Francisco: Jossey-Bass, 1984.
When each spouse sees their own divorce lawyer, the divorce process becomes adversarial and encourages "winning" at all costs. This increases the conflict and tension between the couple, who often stop communicating with each other and opt to talk through their lawyers. The after-effects of such a high-conflict divorce may be that the couple is barely able to be in the same room together, much less speak at all. How does this behavior affect such a couple's children? It can cause emotional developmental problems and delays that may plague the child into adulthood.
When each spouse sees their own divorce lawyer, the divorce process becomes adversarial and encourages "winning" at all costs. This increases the conflict and tension between the couple, who often stop communicating with each other and opt to talk through their lawyers. The after-effects of such a high-conflict divorce may be that the couple is barely able to be in the same room together, much less speak at all. How does this behavior affect such a couple's children? It can cause emotional developmental problems and delays that may plague the child into adulthood.
Divorce is a major life crisis for adults and also for the children of a marriage that is dissolving.
Morghan Leia Richardson, Esq.
Divorce and Family Mediation encourages parties to let go of the past and shape the future, which often leads to better ways of communication and the identification of common goals.
The end result is a divorce, the same as if the parties went to court; however, in mediation the couple can shape the terms of their divorce by coming to agreement on issues that are important to them, rather than having to settle -- or let a judge decide -- which is often the outcome in litigated (in court) divorces.
Divorce and Family Mediation is often a much less expensive option because the mediator charges on a per session basis (as opposed to a lump-sum retainer payment charged in litigated cases by lawyers). The divorcing couple can come to agreement on all issues in as few as four to six sessions. Neither of the spouses then needs an attorney, though both are encouraged to hire a "review" attorney to review the final product of the mediation, which is either a Memorandum of Understanding or a Separation Agreement. Divorce mediators who are also attorneys can finalize the divorce paperwork for an additional flat fee.
The end result is a divorce, the same as if the parties went to court; however, in mediation the couple can shape the terms of their divorce by coming to agreement on issues that are important to them, rather than having to settle -- or let a judge decide -- which is often the outcome in litigated (in court) divorces.
Divorce and Family Mediation is often a much less expensive option because the mediator charges on a per session basis (as opposed to a lump-sum retainer payment charged in litigated cases by lawyers). The divorcing couple can come to agreement on all issues in as few as four to six sessions. Neither of the spouses then needs an attorney, though both are encouraged to hire a "review" attorney to review the final product of the mediation, which is either a Memorandum of Understanding or a Separation Agreement. Divorce mediators who are also attorneys can finalize the divorce paperwork for an additional flat fee.
"Mediation is an empowering process that gives clients the right, the ability, and the process to determine what is right for their family."
- John M. Haynes, The Fundamentals of Family Mediation
- John M. Haynes, The Fundamentals of Family Mediation
How do I know if Divorce Mediation is an option for us?
Divorce Mediation is an option if you and your spouse can agree to hire a mediator and try to avoid divorce court. While the process is "low-conflict" that doesn't mean that you and your spouse have no conflicts or issues to resolve, rather you will be working out those conflicts and issues in an evironment that enables you to take control of the issues discussed and, in large part, the time-frame and cost of your divorce.
Of course, there are some cases that are not suited for mediation and must be decided in a courtroom fight. Find out if Divorce Mediation is an option for you and your spouse by filling out a contact form today.
Divorce Mediation is an option if you and your spouse can agree to hire a mediator and try to avoid divorce court. While the process is "low-conflict" that doesn't mean that you and your spouse have no conflicts or issues to resolve, rather you will be working out those conflicts and issues in an evironment that enables you to take control of the issues discussed and, in large part, the time-frame and cost of your divorce.
Of course, there are some cases that are not suited for mediation and must be decided in a courtroom fight. Find out if Divorce Mediation is an option for you and your spouse by filling out a contact form today.
Richardson Legal PLLC
Office at 31-08 Broadway, Suite 201 in Astoria, NY 11106
Convenient to the R, N & Q trains
Tel: 347.746.1675
By Appointment Only
Office at 31-08 Broadway, Suite 201 in Astoria, NY 11106
Convenient to the R, N & Q trains
Tel: 347.746.1675
By Appointment Only
Legal and Mediation Services:
Disclaimer: Attorney Advertising; Prior Results Do Not Guarantee A Similar Outcome.
This website and its contents are for general information only. The information presented herein is not legal advice or the formation of a lawyer-client relationship.
© 2011 Richardson Legal PLLC. All rights reserved.
This website and its contents are for general information only. The information presented herein is not legal advice or the formation of a lawyer-client relationship.
© 2011 Richardson Legal PLLC. All rights reserved.
